Do Not Sacrifice For Your Kids: Simply Live and Let Live
Motherhood is a life-changing event that demands a woman to face a lot of challenges and make a few adjustments in order to overcome them.
I recently met an old friend who was working in an MNC since past 5 years. She suddenly had to quit her job given to her new role as a mother. While she was happily flipping the pages of this new chapter of her life, she was equally unhappy for ending a previous one that involved a well-meaning job, earning her a six-digit salary. With utmost sympathy and concern, I was all ears to her super-heroic story of the nine hour long labour and the sleepless nights thereafter, until she mentioned one last line. She ended by looking at her two months old daughter and saying “I hope when she grows up, she realizes what all changes we made in our life just to raise her up. All my sacrifices would be worth it, then.”
This one nomenclature got me thinking. Not only did I realize how big the terminology is but also how it tends to impact both the mother and the child. As a parent myself, I want to implore all mothers to think on these lines before ever ‘sacrificing’ for your kids.
Is it a Sacrifice or is it a Choice?
Don't we choose to become parents? We make a conscious decision to bring a tiny soul in this world just to add happiness in our lives. And in order to fulfill our decision we choose to make some arrangements. As a mother we may choose to work or not work or work staying at home. It's always our personal choice which we make voluntarily. Sometimes our decision is driven by our circumstances but nevertheless it's still a situational choice. Wouldn't we be demeaning our parenting by justifying our choices as a sacrifice?
The two-fold damage it may entail
By liberally using the term sacrifice, aren't we placing the guilt of our choices on our children? By holding them as reasons behind our sacrifice, we are putting an unnecessary pressure on them to compensate for it throughout their lives. We want our children to grow in the best possible way and by giving them the best of what they need we are just fulfilling our role as parents. By constantly reminding them of what we did as parents would mean making them liable for a debt they never asked for. Instead of fulfilling their own dreams, the children unknowingly carry the baggage of their parents’ unfulfilled aspirations.
Also as mothers, when we think too much in terms of sacrifice, we tend to live with a feeling of regret and resentment. Instead of looking forward to follow those unrequited dreams we keep counting of what we have missed.
The constant feeling of not being able to achieve one goal just to fulfill another is deterring and frustrating. And this frustration not just impacts our mind and health but also our relationships, at times taking shape of ugly spats and arguments with our loved ones. Instead of pondering over our past decisions, shouldn't we look forward to solutions that can help us to live our life fully? After all, only happy mothers can raise happy kids.
So dear mothers, do not sacrifice for your kids. Simply Live and Let Live. Value yourself, live your dreams, take a plunge, choose confidently. And in doing all this, simply respect your decisions and never put the burden of your choices on your children.
By - Charu Gujjal
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